Kinks in the Plan

Warning. Vague pensive thoughts ahead.

Today I have had cause to think a lot about my future and the things that I allow to come into my life and potentially affect that future. Somewhere along the line I decided on a way I wanted my future to be and I have successfully deflected every little thing that has threatened to alter that future in any way, shape, or form. I thought this was mature. I thought this was wise. Know yourself, know your plans, and be very goal oriented. Make the most of your future - in short - DON'T SCREW UP THE PLAN.

But today I had a slightly jarring realization... could it possibly be that I have been so committed to "the plan" that I was too afraid to let certain good things come into my life, simply because they threatened the future of the plan? WHAT IF life doesn't work like that. Well, I know it doesn't actually. We have to be open to the good things God brings into our lives. Sometimes that requires chance. Always it requires faith and trust.

I have always considered myself an optimist, but when it comes to matters of the heart... and the central features of "the plan" I find myself being decidedly pessimistic. I take this new curveball thrown into the mix and start to pick it apart piece by piece. I lay out the good, I lay out the not so good, and I weigh the parts against each other. I think I'm realizing, though, that I put way too much weight on the not so good. When one or two details seem to threaten the plan in a negative way, I begin the downward spiral. I become a pessimist concerning the situation and it's eventual acceptance into my life is most likely doomed. Is this how God has called me to live?

I struggle to understand the balance between fear and wisdom. When I am evaluating a situation, how much of my evaluation is healthy wisdom - discerning that something might be a good or poor fit for me. The scarier question - how much of my evaluation is simply fear - fear of the unknown, fear of lifestyle change, fear of having to exert any effort to make the plan workable. At which point is the line crossed? How am I ever supposed to know?!

I am afraid. I am afraid that I am letting good things pass me by. I am afraid that in my efforts to secure for myself the ideal future, I am forfeiting amazing things in the process... possibly things God has brought into my life. Things that I am looking at, and saying "God, thanks for the effort, but I'm going to have to turn this blessing down. It's just not in the plan. Try again later, maybe next time you'll be a little more on target." OH how I pray this is not what I'm doing!! Lord - forgive me if I am. But the Bible clearly tells me to fear not - to worry about nothing. And I can honestly say I have and am doing the very best I know how. I just pray that God will continue to refine my discernment!

The Bible says that if any man lacks wisdom, he should ask for it. Well, I am asking for it. And by the truckload if that's alright with you God. Lord, help me to embrace your blessings with open arms. Help me to see the positive more than the negative, and not be afraid of a challenge in life.... a kink in the plan. But at the same time, help me understand when my concerns are valid and should be heeded.

It's just been one of those days. But the funny thing was - this was an AMAZING day. But sometimes it is in the midst of amazingness we start to reevaluate things. Maybe it's time for a big reevaluation.

Aggie Dog

Now that my friends, is one darn cute Aggie. The tent sale had doggie shirts on sale for $5.

Now before you bite my head off for being one of "those dog owners" lets just keep our perspective. For one, she lives with my parents, so I'm sort of like the grandma that gets to spoil her on visits. And I am really not the type to completely frill out her dog - but come on - for $5?! I just couldn't resist. Also, check out the double strand pearl "necklace" I made her for Christmas. Very Barbara Bush, no? What can I say... I love my dog :) Besides, I'm pretty sure that t-shirt came off about 2 seconds after this pic was taken.

Concluding a fifth of a life...

Hi sweet friends :)

Can you believe I am finally down to 3 weeks until graduation? It feels like yesterday I was climbing over the bike racks with my dad to get a peek into the window of my first dorm room and imagining how adventerous and fulfilling it was going to be to have my own little space in the world, away from parents and friends and the life I had known in Kingwood. Those memories have become precious ones to me. I had no idea where the next 5 years would take me, and had I known, I would have probably been shocked and awed.

Now I am finding myself once again going through this process. I am again a wide eyed newbie looking into the windows of life after college - the prospect of renting my own apartment in the city, paying all my own bills, upgrading my car eventually to a safer and more spacious model, and most importantly - working in the field God has led me into and interacting daily with executives and professionals far my senior. I want to remember all the great times at A&M but I also want to embrace this new chapter with as much vigor and thrill as I took on the last. If as many landmark events and moments of growth are destined to characterize my new life as I've witnessed in my last, then I'm so very happy to dive headfirst into this new time.

But in wrapping up my time in Aggieland (I don't do change so well - so I'm trying hard to embrace this experience head on!) my goals are as follows:

1. Choose not to regret any experience gone through or foregone during my 5 years at Texas A&M. I lived the experience God designed for me to walk. All good and painful moments had a vital role in shaping the woman I have become.
2. Reflect on and be thankful for all the relationships that impacted my way of thinking and challenged my paradigms. College is as much about broadening your worldview and becoming a moving force in society as it is gaining the head knowledge to allow success in your eventual job.
3. Take the time necessary to go to the people who made a difference in my time here and thank them for the impact they left on my life. As cheesy as it may sound, this will really help me as much as them. People deserve to be told when they have been a positive influence - it motivates them to continue and reassures them that they were right to make the personal investments they did in people. For me, it will constructively help me tie that big maroon bow on the "box" I think of my time here as. It's closure, and I personally think it's healthy.

Needless to say - the numbers of people who influenced me are endless, so if I don't get to you, know that your impact is deeply loved and appreciated! What a blessing to have spent time at a university like Texas A&M. I wish every young adult could have the opportunity I have had. This school is a family. This school is my family.

“From the outside looking in you don’t understand it, from the inside looking out you can’t explain it.”

It's crazy, but it's just so darn true. But if you want me to TRY to explain it, don't worry - I will go to great lengths (and use hand motions if necessary) to get the point across.

In short - THANK YOU.

Proudest member of the Fightin Texas Aggie class of 2006,

Cheryl

Beauty is Fleeting

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised" Proverbs 31:30

In an article I read today (located here) I read something that, although the concept is so simple, still struck a chord with me. As a woman, I am right there with the best of them as far as being self critical goes. Especially as a single woman, I notice that I am more prone to being self critical now than when I was in a relationship. Women are constantly concerned with how we are perceived. What are a few common questions that women have running through their heads?

Am I as pretty as the next girl?
Does this outfit flatter my figure?
Do I laugh too much?
Is my personality just a little too "out there"?
Am I anything special, or do I just fade into the crowd?
Am I the kind of girl guys want to marry?
Am I too stuffy and uptight?

I could go on for days, and I'm sure each girl has a few questions of her own that she could add. The article pointed out that each of these questions can be put into one of two catagories:

Questions of Charm (personality)
Questions of Beauty

How appropriate that God so directly focused on these two areas when he pointed out that charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting. But then he reminds us - but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised! As I come up on "wedding season" and graduation I am more conscious than ever about how I look and act! I will be meeting so many new people and have so many photos taken. It is a great reminder to me that my job here is simply to fear the Lord and work on my relationship with him. My somebody for someday will recognize that in me and be attracted despite the huge zit on my cheek and the fact that I go slightly psychotic after 10 pm.

And THAT my friends, is something to WHOOP about!

Ready to roll...

Okay so this afternoon I posted the last few posts from my myspace blog on here, so at least now the place feels a bit more lived in :) The other site is always still available if you are interested in older stuff. (Although I'm not sure why you would be.)

In other news - I cut the grass today! The neighbor guy came and told me if I ever wanted him to mow my backyard with his riding mower to just let him know. Tempting. Also, I got my first support letter response for my East Asia trip in the mail today! Praise God - this thing is actually happening now, we are underway baby! I have my second training day saturday and then I get to go camping with my amazing coach group at McKinney State Falls Park. Fun shall be had by all. Although, I'm not sure if the crew is ready to meet the 2am, loses all her inhibitions Cher. Hmmm.

First blogspot post...

Most of my friends are using blogspot these days so I thought I'd join in on the fun... I have all my old posts on my myspace blog, but maybe I can get those transferred here one of these days. If you want to see that blog click here.

In other news... I officially have my last college class ever tomorrow (WHOOP!) but to be honest it's a bittersweet moment. I have loved loved loved my time in Aggieland and I will always be an Aggie through and through! On that note, I need to go write my paper that is due at 8 am tomorrow. IT security is a fascinating topic and I need to dedicate four pages worth of thoughts to convincing my professor of this fact. :)

Love y'all!

Cher

The Beauty of Contentment...

Hello Beautiful Friends :) Well it's been a while, but I havn't felt inspired by anything recently, so I just decided to wait until the inspiration came. Yesterday must have been like my "introspective catch up day" because all the thoughts flooded me at once. So I decided to share one of those thoughts with you :)

I have been learning the greatest things about contentment lately! It's amazing how God reveals sin in our lives at the most random moments. It's like a light comes on and we can finally start to climb out the hole we never realized we had even fallen in. I am reading "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow with an awesome christian woman at my church this semester. There are many things in life I have chosen to be discontent about, but until recently I never realized the weight my discontentment placed on me. A missionary mentioned in the book was quoted as having lived by her own "keys to contentment". These keys were as follows:

1. Never allow yourself to complain about anything - not even the weather.
2. Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or somplace else
3. Never compare your lot with anothers
4. Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
5. Never dwell on tomorrow - remember that tomorrow is God's, not ours.

I am convicted on EVERY one of those points! If we could train ourselves to adopt these life habits, imagine how much more peace we would have. It reminds me of when I was little and my mom would take me to mall and remind me to have "tunnel vision" - go in for what you want and don't get caught up in letting your eyes wander to the hundreds of sparkley things thrust in front of you - that will almost certainly end in discontentment! Personally, I struggle sometimes with fears about the career I've chosen (accounting) and how that will ultimately impact other areas of my life and my desire to pursue creative outlets (the jokes about the dull lives of CPA's abound, but just ask me if you want me to go off on THAT soapbox!). Then I stop and realize, that God made me just the way I am - and I believe he has guided me to the places I am today. I must choose to be content with TODAY, realizing that God blesses whatever I do, if it is done for his glory and with a right heart. I must give my tomorrows to God. My job today is to wake up every morning, and make good choices. Choices that glorify my heavenly father. I will pray and ask God to bring me the other desires of my heart in his timing - for his word clearly says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4. He does not make us with passions only to ask us to walk away from them. (Yes, there are circumstances where God does require sacrifice - but I find that sacrifice normally has more to do with our selfish desires and perversions than the actual passion itself). So I pray - then I breathe deeply and let all the stress and anguish of subconsiously fighting for something I don't have or havn't experienced dissipate away from me... it's like a strong cleansing wind comes over me and wisks away the ugly black cloud of discontentment that was holding my joy captive. And all of a sudden a new beautiful me - a me that radiates with the light and peace of the one who lives in me (that's God!) steps forward to take on today. Hallelujah!

Ultimately remember this - we are eternal creatures. Our time on this earth is short. If we have trusted in Christ and believe the truth of his sacrifice on our behalf, we will surely spend our eternity in the presence of our King! What is this life in comparison to an eternity in heaven? Nothing. I echo the apostle Paul in saying... "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." Philippians 3:8. Paul - you were SO the man.

Oh - P.S. I would like add a 6th key to contentment... take time every day to pray a prayer of thanksgiving for all the blessings in your life. Not only does God long to hear from us - there is nothing that will keep your perspective in check like a good dose of counting your blessings!!

Love y'all more than you know-

Cher