Hey friends. It's 11:55pm and I'm sitting alone in the Hampton Inn in Waco. I'm here to take my third and biggest CPA exam... here's praying I can pass this bad boy. I will just deflate if I find out I have to study all over again. This whole CPA exam crap seems like some cruel right of passage for all people crazy enough to attempt accounting as a major. There are moments when I really want to ask myself what I was thinking... but then I get over it and realize that I am SO an accountant and I really do enjoy this stuff. It's amazing how God builds some of us with the desires to do the even seemingly mundane jobs. (Seemingly being the operative word... this job is much better than it sounds.)
Here's a quick shout out to my super amazing couldn't do this without him friend Nathan Smith! He's coming tomorrow to meet me for lunch before my exam to give me a pre-game prep talk. He already took it and passed it, so that will be encouraging... plus I can't spend time with him without laughing my head off - so that will be a much needed stress reliever I'm sure. He even had the forethought to pick a place for lunch that was "light" so I could avoid having... er... stomach problems during my exam. What a friend :) Or maybe he just knows me too well.
I need to go to bed and just let the studying go. I have studied some today... played some today. I have become frighteningly good at the whole "denial" thing. I can actually sit here with books in my lap and surf the net and manage to suppress the feelings of panic and guilt. But then the clock strikes midnight and the sinking comes. It's bedtime - and I did not use today's time to it's best potential. Why do I do this? So what's my solution... guilt blogging.
I sign on blogger real quick and give you all the skinny on what it feels like to sit alone in a hotel room the night before an exam feeling somewhat prepared - knowing I could be more prepared. I half want to scream and get mad at myself, I half want to crawl in bed and forget the whole thing. I figure an hour or two more of studying won't add THAT much to my knowledge base and probably just make me groggy tomorrow during game time. Do you like my logic? This is how my brain works at 12:06 at night when I'm tired, but surprisingly alert due to a grande white chocolate mocha I just downed.
This is one major thing I've found changed about me during college. I still have a strong work ethic and will to succeed... but when it gets down to crunch time - I have become suprisingly mellow over the last few years. I used to panic, cry, get very angry and upset after 10pm, especially the evening before major tests, etc. Late night intense conversations were pointless with me. Now, I still wouldn't recommend it, but I have learned to accept that "what happens happens" and no amount of stressing or pulling hair is going to change that. If I have to retake an exam, I retake it... what is the harm in the big picture of life?
So what DOES happen now after 10pm? You are the prime witness. I get a little philosophic and decide to share my musings with the world via blogger. Hmmm...
Any prayers tomorrow would be greatly appreciated! Love you all - I'm going to bed now. Maybe a continental breakfast and a shower at 8 am will help me refocus and get my spirits up.
Cher
