Lately there has been lots of talk about the terrible tradgedy that happened a few weeks ago when a local man murdered five amish school girls in the small town of Paradise, Pennsylvania. This morning I read a really interesting article that looked at this sad event from a new perspective.
The article is here if you want to read it before you read my blog.
The article shed some light on how the Amish have handled this tradgedy. Most importantly however, the article opened my eyes to an alternate way of viewing the difficult process of forgiveness. I have often raised questions about forgiveness and how it is actually accomplished. If we say we have forgiven someone for something, can we really claim we have forgiven them if we still harbor any grief of hardness in our hearts? The amish in the town of Paradise claim they have forgiven the murderer, and have reached out to the family of the murderer in more ways than one.
"Just hours after the shooting the Amish were already reaching out to the non-Amish family of Charles Roberts IV, who had barricaded 10 girls aged 6-13 in their school house, tied them up in front of the blackboard and shot them, fatally wounding five before killing himself. One Amish man went to the home of Roberts' parents and embraced his weeping father on the front porch, saying, "All has been forgiven." Members of the Amish community also invited Roberts' widow, Marie, to attend one of the girl's funerals, and many of the Amish were present at Roberts' burial. When aid began to pour into the community to help with medical bills, the Amish requested that a similar fund be established for Marie, who has three young children of her own to care for."
All has been forgiven?! I would have so much trouble forgiving any man who killed five innocent children whom I loved. But this is where the story gets good... the author of the article pointed out something great...
"...perhaps the willingness to forgive does not signify that the act is complete. It is more like a promise to initiate the hard work of beginning to forgive — a little bit like taking a wedding vow. When we promise to care for another person in sickness and health, we only know that we intend to keep our vows, but we cannot comprehend the weight of them or the way that their meaning will grow as the years wear on."
I love this. Forgiveness is a process, as very well it should be. There is no need to feel guilty for not being able to let go of 100% of the pain and effects of a heartache at the mere utterance of the words "all is forgiven." It reminds me of other spiritual phenomenon that I have discovered to be processes over the years, such as learning to let go of doubt. God is so gracious to love us even through the difficult times of growing and healing we must endure as humans. In fact, I believe it is in these times he holds us the tightest.
Finally, I want to mention an episode of Oprah I watched a couple days ago. Oprah and her friend Gayle visited an Amish community and interviewed a precious young family. When asked so many questions about how they manage to live their lives in the way they do, I absolutely fell in love with them. They refered to how their strength came from God, family, discipline... and how many things in life were just "givens" to them. It is given that there simply is no divorce, it is not an option. It is given that you respect the person you are dating and never even concieve of premarital sex before marraige. These things are less of struggles because they have decided on their values, and they hold fast to them. And the most amazing thing was that the joy and love eminating from their hearts and marraige was more than apparent, even in a brief 10 minute interview. This is how we should live... deciding the values we hold dear, and assuming them as given. We could all learn a thing or two from these fascinating people!
"Ultimately, forgiveness is not a denial of wrongs committed, but a willingness to accept that there are things that we cannot undo or even understand. It a deeply humble act, as we offer up the work of executing justice to God. The Amish realize that it is not their job to carry bitterness to the grave. As a child psychologist friend of mine, Russell Carleton, said, "When you forgive someone, their act no longer defines your life."
Can I get an amen!?!
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